Judgement

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Photo Credit: @ryansnaadt

Hello Sobertown,

This one is for strength and for solidarity in our decision to quit the booze. This is because we need to be sure that we are on the right track by living an alcohol free lifestyle. Just in case you aren’t certain… We are.

This one is for the time you felt judged for your decision to quit alcohol.

This one is to address the sheer irrationality of our societies view on alcohol to date.

You gave up alcohol?

You must be flawed right?

You must have a real problem?

You really pounded drinks didn’t you. Poor you, with your problems.

Lately I have discussed with multiple people in my life their attempts to quit alcohol or their desires to cut back or give it up and the desire is surprisingly common amongst people in my life currently but the pathway is what is difficult and the judgement IS a real barrier. The judgement and pressure comes not only from outsiders but sometimes even those closest to us. To be successful we truly need to know this is what we want. We need to be solid in our decisions, unwavering, dead-set and if needed we need to be ready to push back when the drink is LITERALLY put in our hand or the outsider attempts to belittle our character for our decision or to reverse our decision to quit, it happens, surprisingly frequently. We need to hold true to what we know to be the right path for us. We need to eliminate the concern or need for external validation and eliminate the concern for others judgement by being all in on the decision, leaving no room for doubt and no space for pressure to cause a cave in.

While the questioner who sometimes stands right in front of you often with a drink in hand and sometimes multiple drinks deep and who drinks at unhealthy levels regularly has the guts to judge you and to question your decision, it would seem they don’t have a problem, right. No problem at all. As long as you stay in the loop, drinking yourself to bad health, bad relationships and a degrading mind, you don’t have a problem. But if you give up, if you stop drinking, ohhhhh, you clearly have a problem. The minute you gather the strength and the will to change and to unplug you suddenly have a problem. You suddenly need to explain yourself as though you have an obligation to anybody asking to describe your reasons in detail to them, Funny huh. You owe them nothing, you are obligated to explain nothing. You can use any response you choose and there are many great ways to answer the questions but in reality all you really owe questioners is a confused face and a raised eyebrow as though questioning them as to why they do need alcohol because our choice IS the more logical choice, hands down, no question, regardless of the status quo here, NOT drinking IS the logical choice.

So I have never heard of such irrationality in my entire life where our decision to better ourselves, to care for ourselves and in turn others, is met with judgement or negativity.

Imagine these scenarios

Hey I decided to lose weight. “Great i’m so proud oh good for you”

Hey I decided I should stop using heroin. “Great choice drugs are bad”

Hey I decided to lay off the cocaine. “Great choice drugs are bad”

Hey I decided to stop with the meth. “Great choice drugs are bad”

Hey I decided to start training for a marathon. “Wow good for you amazing”

Hey I decided to quit sugar for a while “Oh yeah good idea”

Hey, I decided to quit alcohol. “Really” “Oh, are you alcoholic?””For how long””For good? You cant quit for good””Oh I didn’t realise it was a problem for you””Don’t do that you don’t have a problem with alcohol why would you give it up” Etc… Etc.

Did you notice in the last example the distinct lack of response “great choice drugs are bad”

Dear person who acted as though we had a problem with our personal character when you realised we no longer drink and dear person who acted with sympathy as though we are poor souls and troubled and flawed because we had to quit drinking. We are fucking fine, and I would argue that we are far better than you are in our own mind for our decision. We grow every day. Do not pity us for this decision to quit alcohol, envy us for our strength to live without ever numbing our mind. But never pity us.

If you believe quitting alcohol is something you would like to do and have not yet, please ignore any negativity toward the change. This is the path to a better life and it can be maintained. You can do it. Most of the sober people out there are just living their better life, not making a fuss about how much better it is, not wanting to bother with the insanity of the judgement when they discuss the benefits of their choice. Believe me, they are all living a better life without alcohol. You can too.

We all know if you gave up alcohol that there must be something inherently wrong with you. Right?

Have you ever taken a look around and thought to yourself what the fuck are we monkey brained idiots doing? Destroying our environment. Allowing the majority of wealth to accumulate in the minority of accounts. Killing each other over beliefs. Allowing preventable mass poverty and starvation. We do many things wrong, many things and one of these things is believing that alcohol should or needs to be a part of our lives. It doesn’t. It just doesn’t. Its simple. The only thing making this difficult is the fact that it became such a big part of our lives to begin with.

As a society we have accepted the erroneous view that alcohol is not a drug.. It is. We believe that because it is legal and some other drugs are not that it is somehow better.. It isn’t. We believe that it must do less harm… It Doesn’t. We can pretend it doesn’t affect our mental health…. It does. We can pretend it doesn’t impact our fitness…. it does. We can pretend we can can maintain good health while drinking…. we can’t. We can pretend we actually moderate and drink at safe levels…. You don’t, show me the unicorn one drink 2 nights per week, they might be out there but they are rare. We can pretend alcohol is not a group 1 carcinogen… it is. We can pretend alcohol does not cause seven types of cancer… it does. We can pretend alcohol is not responsible for over 3 million deaths per year globally….. But, it is!

Most of all. We can pretend it is us who have a problem because we quit alcohol…… But we do not. We do not have a problem because we quit, we eliminated the problem, were good.

Thankfully it is not all negative. More and more cases are coming to light where the decision is met with support. Support by honest people who are willing to confront their habit as being potentially harmful. Support by others who are or have been sober themselves. Support by others who see the harm alcohol can cause and support by those rare people who truly do moderate consumption. The judgement is real, but the support is growing and every supportive response is so much more powerful than the boring and humdrum irrational judgement.

If you quit alcohol, you win, you unplugged, you are among the growing minority who peeked above the wall and saw the truth, that alcohol is a killer, a destroyer of health, a breaker of families and relationships, a primary cause of cancer and cardiovascular disease, an enforcer of mental depths nobody should see and an all round destroyer and drain of lifeforce and will. You have a problem? No, no, no. You stepped up to a higher form and you have true grit, you do not have a problem. You do not have a problem, you do not have a problem.

If anybody thinks you have a problem because you don’t drink, the answer is simple.

Fuck them.

That’s all for this one Sobertown, simple question, simple answer. Rant over.

They are wrong, you are right. Stay the path.

Todd Crafter (Sobertown Resident)

AHPRA Registered Chiropractor/FA Registered Trainer

BAppSc(human movement), BHSc(chiro), MClinChiro

To contact the author please email soberaustralia@gmail.com

The Sobertown Blog articles and recordings are created as a means of assisting others in achieving and maintaining sobriety and freedom from alcohol. Experiences, entries, research and article content are that of the author and should be applied in a safe manner deemed best by the reader and applied safely, if relevant, with medical oversight. This is not medical advice and the author is not a medical doctor. No advice within is based on or crosses over with the authors profession or professional opinion as an AHPRA registered allied health practitioner or FA registered exercise professional.